Hey all!
Arcing up the blog again to write up my overseas adventures. Hope you enjoy it! Comments, feedback, glowing praise always welcome.
Thailand was the best of times and the blurst of times to be frank.
I'll start with the best!
My first mission after touching down was to find some Pad Thai. The JetStar inflight brochure had made Bangkok sound like it was a Pad Thai on Command kinda place so I could almost taste the noodley goodness as I left the baggage claim.
I went for a wander near my hostel, but this food mission proved more difficult than first anticipated. Fair enough it was absolutely chucking down with rain and it was 11pm, but still. I got excited when I found this place!
I got really excited cos there's a Thai joint near my house in Sydney called Bank Thai and I thought Awesome, hope it's as yummy as that place. Turns out though that this place is actually just a bank and that not everything in Thailand with "Thai" written on it is a Thai restaurant. Very disappointing, Thailand. I ended up getting fried rice.
I did find Pad Thai eventually.
I should mention here that Thailand is a Buddhist nation. There are lots and lots of yellow-robed monks that roam the streets. But you know, that said, they sure do have a lot of protests and coups for a peace-loving nation. I even saw a protest by Buddhists who were shitty that Buddhism was not made the national religion in the latest consitutional rehash. Would have been great if it came to blows. So I'm going to include here some pictures of temples and deities and crap so I don't go to hell.
Here is an ugly temple on a crappy Bangkok day.
...and here is a wet, slippery, naked deity to remind you to be a good person.
Thai people are also really into loving their King and Queen. You can see why...
So the next day, My Travelling Companion and I went out and explored some "asian markets". Note the authentic squid and authentic Asians.
You know, I always realy like it when people who live in crazy weather conditions do it with finesse. The Thai have hot weather down. There's fresh cool fruit everywhere and if you want to buy a can of Coke, you get a plastic bag filled with ice, you dump the Coke over the ice and stick a straw in it. Genius!
This umbrella hat is a little suspect though.
So on the way to the big market. It's called Chattuchuk I'm pretty sure, we passed The King again.I wish my country would put it's political leaders on 40-storey buildings. There's just something about that that says "We Mean Business".
We found the market and holy shit, it's amazing. It's hard to describe it with words and pictures, but imagine walking into a suburb-sized maze of eBay, where everything is Buy It Now and everything is under 5 bucks.
The market was hot a steamy and temperatures soared.
Sometimes a girl's just gotta cool down with some frozen Coke on a stick. The arrow points to hottness. It rotated as she walked across frame.
Here are some brass knuckles, ninja stars and a couple of tazers, brought to you by the Land of Smiles.
This girl was drinking a Strawberry/Blueberry frappe, but really, who gives a shit.
Outside the market I found the cops. I asked them if I could take a picture of them and they got embarassed and said "No way, our bikes are so shit!" They were right, the guy closest had the front faring of his electric scooterhalf made out of cardboard and gaffed on.
I started to feel pretty at ease with the whole Thailand deal. The people were nice, the food amazing and it seemed clean and prety safe. It definitely satisfied my common desire to be taller than everybody else. I found this car. If you pretend it's actually a Monster Truck and I'm holding a 2 litre water bottle, you can pretend I'm actually 12 feet tall!
This is My Travelling Companion. I felt safe when he was there. Sex perverts usually prefer to act alone.
It's always struck me as strange the whole Asian Whitening Creme phenomenon and Thailand was no different.
I feel like if I put this stuff on, I could turn invisible! I also found whitening deodorant, Bye Bye Melanin skin creme and Nipple Pink Creme.
Tuk tuks are the only way to travel I'm now convinced. The wind in your hair, the bugs in your eyeballs. Don't be fooled by these snazzy little numbers, you still smell like you've had a 2-stroke enema when you hop out.
People, Thailand rules but is very strange. It's exotic and familiar at the same time. The men are way hotter than in China, the streets are clean and the days are long. After so much visual stimulation, it was time for a beer and a good sit down.
I suppose I should touch on the bad of Thailand, but it's not as funny and not as photogenic.
I did go down to Nana, the sex district. It was as expected, but still creeped me out. Middle aged men who left their muscle tone in the 70's being escorted by super-fly Thai babes. It's just not fair. There's a reason people don't want to sleep with the old or ugly and it sucks that cash can get you out of that survival-driven reality. The Thai women looked like gorgeous butterflys and the fat pasty geezers on their arms looked like larvae. I walked up Nana street a few times but it was like someone stole the funny and I got out of there.
Also when I was at the Chattuchukkawhatever Markets I was a retard and put my bag down for 2 seconds to look at cool stuff. Of course, it got stolen, so I was without my passport, mobile phone, wallet, atm cards, digital camera, lipgloss from that moment onwards. I was due to fly out about 5 hours after it got stolen. Log story short I was delayed only 2 days in paradise because some lovely Thai girl found my passport and some cards on the bus and called the hotel where I was staying.
I still don't have my cards, camera, wallet or a mobile phone. But at least I didn't have to replace my passport and Chinese visa. And how lovely of her to try to track me down hey?!
So as soon as I had my passport back, I got the first plane out of paradise and straight to Beijing!
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